So it’s been awhile, but the photo above explains it all. This was taken Sunday, December 14, 2008 at about 6:30 a.m. I watched my wife Carrie and daughter Chloe sleep deeply. Real deep. We had been up since 2:30 a.m. It was the third night in a row we got a call in the middle of the night. I dread calls in the middle of the night. They are rarely good ones. I get quite a few of them being a pastor.It comes with the job.
“Jason? I’m sorry to call you this late, but I really need to talk.”
“I know it’s late, but my wife and I are having trouble and need your help.”
“I am about to look at some porn, and you have to talk me out of it. Please talk me out of it…”
“Can you come and pick me up? I am trashed and don’t know who else to call.”
“Hey… I am in total crap. My life is a wreck right now and I don’t know what to do?”
Now the reason I got into ministry was specifically because of these calls. I love these calls. They have everything to do with me being able to help. It’s every reason I follow Jesus, to help others and share the love He showed me… but that night it was not one of those calls.
I wish it had been.
Instead, we got the call that Carrie’s mom Sharon had passed. Her heart just stopped. Beat, beat, beat……. beat….. nothing. I watched as my wife fielded the call and for a moment I think her heart stopped to. The shock set in. She was blank. I was blank. Now, we have to walk down the stairs, through the dimly lit hall and to a large cold bedroom. The bed that for so many years held two people together had a vast section that laid empty. On a small portion of the space laid Carrie’s father, Jodie. This would be the third time we had woke him up from a deep sleep. I watched as my wife told him the news.
There are few things that will be burned into my memory visually. This moment is one of them. There I stared at the floor as a retired Marine Master Sergent, loving father of two and husband no more wept. Wept uncontrollably. It broke my very being.
We weren’t made for death. God made us to live forever and because of our selfishness we chose to break the rules. In the midst of breaking them we had to face physical death at some point. It the wage of sin. Because we weren’t made for death, we are not naturally prone to just deal with it.
It’s not natural. It wasn’t what God intended.
I’ve had people close to me pass, but not this close. But it makes me wonder what people do? What do people do who don’t have God in their lives during times like these? I imagine it could destroy them. If I sat in the confines of my house and became a recluse (which I am inclined to do during things like these if I’m being honest), it could do it to me. It could destory our whole family.
Luckily, we have a hope. We have a promise that she knew Jesus and she’s in a better place. We also have an amazing church family who believes more about rallying around people in need than they do about blogs, set-up & tear down, or personal schedules. You all have taken the time to be Jesus to my wife, father-in-law, daughter and me. You can’t put that into words and thank you doesn’t come close to expressing how much we love you all.
It excites me to move into 2009 with such an amazing church. And when I write the word “church,” I don’t mean lights, sound systems, a school facility, trailers and classrooms- I mean you. All 600+ people who make up God’s body of believers here in Hampton Roads who call themselves Forefront. When I think of God, I think of Forefront. God’s church doing what His church should.
Loving God and Loving People.
Amen.
www.forefrontblog.org 